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208 – Just Simply Living…

December 21, 2006 By Leave a Comment

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Dear Lord, thank you for the wonderful prayer time this morning. I felt as if You were sitting right next to me just holding my hand. Clay and I stayed up really late last night as we were packing more and more boxes. We are really down to the nitty gritty and we should be since the movers come tomorrow. Last night we went out to eat with Chad and Faith one last time.

Clay has gone to his men’s group one last time. I wonder if he will have something like that over there? I am so thankful he gets to see Eric Little. They have always been so close and have so many memories. Lord, i pray you bless their time this morning and allow it to be the most special.

Hosea – on to chapter 12. We are dealing with Israel’s sin. As i was pondering more about this book yesterday in the midst of packing, the Lord asked me a great question. He impressed on my heart not to just think about my sin and the different offenses i commit against Him, but why… Why do i do a particular sin? What is behind it? I have to say just in my brief moments of thought that most of time insecurities are behind many of my sins. The feeling of not measuring up and so therefore sins of 1) trying to impress, 2) being jealous of those that have done more, 3) over indulging, 4) not being thankful for what i have or have done or can do, 5) having no faith that He is going to do anything through me 6) panicking over the future and past……………………. Why do i do what i do? Reveal it to me…

In this chapter the Lord compares the nation of Israel to Jacob wrestling with God. Jacob would not let go until He was blessed. I really need to look more into that study. I have studied it many times, but it always intrigues me. Anyway, God gives a bottom line kind of statement. It is much like the Micah 6:8 kind of statement, but in Hosea 12:6. “But you must return to your God; maintain love and justice and wait for your God always.”

Maintain love and mercy. My commentary said it was very easy for some to love and go as far as overlooking sin. And then there were some that were totally into justice and dropping the hammer. But to maintain love and mercy is something one can only do through the power of the Holy Spirit, but a bottom line kind of expectation for us. “And wait for your God always.” Oh that is where i feel like i am right now. Waiting on God – what is next, who is next, is anything next. I have not gotten a new engagement in many weeks and that honestly scares me, but this is also a time that no one is making any plans. I did hear from the church in Shelbyville and they have decided to go with a home grown speaker. I was so looking forward to that and really felt i was suppose to go. So i wait. I wait for God to do more and I beg His favor and mercy.

Lord Jesus – wow this is such a crazy time. Just waiting on You to do the next thing. What will that be? Will anyone take the book? Will anyone want me to come to their church? Will I ever get to establish a ministry? I really honestly do not know what You are doing right now with me? I am so thankful that i feel content and peaceful and am so thankful for the future. It is bright because You are the Morning Star. You are so awesome and I want to see Your glory!!!

Show me the next step. I want to walk in Your ways! I love you!

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Filed Under: Hosea, waiting
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207 – The end is getting closer

December 20, 2006 By Leave a Comment

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Oh Lord – wow, it is just about here – the end. I took the girls yesterday to meet my parents half way so that i could come back and pack pack pack. Ugh!!! Big boxes, where can i find them??? Tisha was so awesome to come over and bring us pizza. Since i no longer have a kitchen table, sold that too, we sat at the bar and on the floor. I think Elleigh spilled her drink 3 times. Not used to having your feet at your throat and trying to drink!! Ugh!! But it was great and so very sad as well. More tears! We are going to try to meet up in Nashville for a Beth Moore deal.

Not sure what today holds. I was suppose to go visit with my friend from Proverbs, Wendy. But her kids have come down with the flu. Valarie has offered to come over tomorrow and help me clean up the house one last time before everything is moved. Like bathrooms, that kind of stuff. I would not normally want anyone to help clean my bathrooms – gross – but she has been so sweet to insist on helping with something. Friends – i hope i am a good friend. I have trouble even thinking of things to do – i mean it just doesn’t come naturally to think of such kind things.

Hosea 11 – getting ever better. This whole chapter is like explaining how to raise a child. You do and do and do for them and they never appreciate it and many times will turn their back on you in rebellion. Exactly the case with Israel. But verse 8 explains that He could never give up on them. Oh how i love that. My God will never give up on me. Thank you Jesus. You will allow my the consequences of my sin and disobedience to fall my way, but You will not allow me to be destroyed or crushed. In verse 9 You remind us that You are not man, You are God. It explains that you will exude compassion and certainly not turn on us or them.

How many times have i myself written someone off for their waywardness or gross disobedience? I am convinced there is no use. We could never change them or they will never come around. It reminds me of the 75 year old lady that just came to know the Lord at one of my recent events. I wonder how many had written her off. I wonder how many said she was a hopeless cause or a waste of time – she will never come around. We, I, can never be that way or talk that way again! Forgive me Lord of the times i have given up on someone!

It is all about judging. We are not the judges, Leigh Gray. I know very well what it is like to be judged. It hurts, it cuts deep, and it is so damaging. But it is almost like i was due that for all the judging i had and will ever do in my life. There is no time for it in this life and no place for it under His authority. He is the Righteous Judge!!!

Lord, change my thought pattern. Help me to think positive and righteous thoughts of others and myself. Help me to concentrate on You and not worry about who is doing what. “Worry ’bout your own self” as my kids say. Forgive me Lord. Change me, Make me anew. “Bara” me a new heart. I love you!

To those in Charlotte that read the blog…. Please keep reading, but don’t let this be the way you keep up with me and the “fam”. I saw a friend i had not seen in a long time not too long ago. I didn’t even know she was pregnant or anything… Her comment was that she felt like we had never lost contact because she read the blog everyday. I want to hear from you all!!!!!!!!! I want to know what is going on in your life too!!!!!!!!!!! Please. You don’t have to comment on the blog, just e-mail. It would just bless my socks off. I love you all.

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Filed Under: change, friends, Hosea, mercy, rebellion, repentance
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206 – Light Breaking Thru

December 19, 2006 By Leave a Comment

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Wow – what a day yesterday. I took the big kids to their last day of school at HGBCS. It was a great day, full of parties and surprises, but still very hard. The hardest part was hugging Gingee good-bye again!! We all shed tears this time! Then i took Tucker to say good-bye to Roger in the FLC and that was really hard too.

We got out of school early and ran some errands. About the time we got home and settled into packing more boxes the phone rang and we needed to go pick up Jackson to come over and play. As we were driving back up to the house my phone rang and someone was outside the house to see everything. OH my word – the house was a pig sty just because of all the packing. So i quickly picked up – yeah right – and moved the kids out the door to go to our park. As we were coming back the phone rang again for the house to be shown again!!!! Yee-haw!!!!!!! Seriously i was excited to show the house 2 times, but it still needed a good once over! This time I had 30 minutes. At least i got some good smells waifing throughout! Oh Jesus – please give us an offer we can work with. Even if it something we can not work with that would be encouraging. I am still believing and praying and waiting in expectation.

Today we have a dentist appointment and then the search for more boxes…………… Then Tisha is bringing over some pizza for us. Yeah!! How sweet.

Oh yeah – as we drove up yesterday to get out of the car at the house we noticed the front gate was open. There were no signs of Maye Maye. She was gone, her dog house was gone, there were no traces of her anywhere. A robber must have come in a gotten and taken her away. That is my story and I am sticken to it. The kids now want a cat. It is amazing how quickly they can move onto to another “love”. We will miss Maye Maye.

Last night our relatively new neighbors had me and the kids over for ice cream. It was awesome – Clay is out of town. The kids were great. Their house is quite a museum so that made me a little uneasy with SJ. She has been over there to visit so often that she knows the house like her own. It was gorgeous. She would just disappear and Mr. Jack seem to know where to find her. He got out the trombone for the kids to play – we just had a blast. We never left the kitchen table – i just love that. Mr. Jack and we call her Mrs. Jack, even though her name is Judy, have a wonderful philosophy of life. He said they want to look back at the end and be able to say – I want to do that all over again. So every day is a gift and they are going to live it to the fullest. These are people that lost everything in Katrina! Beautiful historic home, teaching career at Tulane – everything. The would have never moved from New Orleans!!!!!!!! Never!! I am going to miss them terribly. Great people and it has been a blessing to know them just this long. My kids have certainly benefited as well.

So after that long recap – I have gotten into Hosea already this morning. Hosea 10 has some light breaking through the horrible past. Verse 11 states that the Lord will take hold of Israel once again and make them do as they are suppose to. I love that. Knowing that God will at one point take me and MAKE me do the right thing – oh please, do it every day. I think i could live much better as a puppet than person. But praise You for your grace and mercy, You allow us to be real and alive and living! Verse 12 you implore the people to sow righteousness and reap fruit. The encouraging thing about that verse is that there has to be fertile ground before something can grow or be sown. So the potential is there – He sees potential in all of us. He can all grow some righteousness – Lord, do it in me.

The last part of the verse that really speaks volumes to me is the part that says “break up your unploughed ground for it is time to seek the Lord.” What part of my heart is hard and unploughed? What part of my heart needs to be worked over and made useful? What part of my life needs a gardeners hand to make a turn around? Lord, show me. I am so very open to Your ways and Your convictions and Your working in my life. I want to be a fertile ground You can use. Do whatever You need to do to make that happen. Lord, with all my heart, if You never allowed me to do another thing in ministry again – it would really be hard, but i could accept that. I turn all my wants, dreams, expectations, etc. over to You. I want to do things Your way even if that means an end to what i know now. Only You know. I don’t feel like an end is coming, but that You are asking me to be accepting of that. Yes, but yes it would be hard. I love ministry.

About 9 months ago i went into a holding pattern in ministry. I was not networking and marketing as i had done before. Lord, You brought me all kinds of opportunities. I loved every minute of it, but I missed doing what i feel like i am best at as far as the business side of things. Now i am at the end of that commitment. I am ready to begin again and see even more things You can do. I have a commitment for the money to become a non-profit, Praise the Lord, I have met with an accountant to get the business side of it, and have contacted a lawyer to see what is next… I need Your peace to continue on. Lead me Lord, guide me, and give me great vision and clarity. I am ready, but am I ready? Make me ready. I am ready to follow. I love you. May You light begin to Break Thru!

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Filed Under: Hosea, living, Lord, Maye Maye, surrendered life
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204 – Do i Hear what You Hear?

December 15, 2006 By Leave a Comment

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Hosea9:7 The days of punishment are coming, the days of reckoning are at hand. Let Israel know this. Because your sins are so many and your hostility so great, the prophet is considered a fool, the inspired man a maniac.

Lord Jesus – wow is it early this morning. We were so kindly invited to Clay’s old work’s Christmas party and it always lasts forever. It was at a fancy smacy restaurant and the courses never end. It was a great time and I have finally learned to relax and enjoy myself. I am so not good at fancy food and no one ever serves sweet tea and so i always look so funny with my coke. Oh well, it was the last one and quite a great night. I had steak – yuck!

I look at the scripture above and must ask myself – what is in this for me? I know You are speaking, now what is it i am to see? God is the telling the Israel nation the hammer is about to drop. They are certainly going to get what they have coming. When i first read that passage i was thinking wow, where is God’s forgiveness and mercy and when is He going to take them back the way He so often does ? But as i was looking at the end of that particular verse i see that He has sent many warnings and many instructions to change, but they are not listening. In fact they are so far away from the Lord that they now think the prophets He has sent to be His voice of warning are foolish and maniacs.

Lord, what sin have I found myself in so deep that i can no longer hear the warnings and even might consider the words of the wise foolish? Lord, i know one area of my life that i constantly struggle with and want to receive some kind of “heart” healing. I constantly bring this to You because it so constantly rears its head. Ugly – gross – despicable – detestable – SIN. I know Paul had a “thorn in his flesh” and i assume we all have something like that. So is this something that there will be days of victory, but for the most part i will struggle with my life forever? Oh Lord, it is on those days that i am in awe. I am in awe of how great of a sinner i am, how perfect you are, and how great my need for a Savior. But i also have to think of how wonderfully merciful You are to use a person like me in ministry that deals with sin and feels defeated very often.

Lord, please open my ears and my heart to wise words You bring my way and conviction You place on my heart. Forgive me of the greatness, the minute, the fractions, and the enormous sin – no matter how big or small – sin is sin and i need Your forgiveness. I want to be clean before You. I am asking that You give me a clean heart and one that is seeking to please You. Lord forgive my selfishness, impure thoughts, jealousies, anger, uncontrolled tongue, grumpiness, indulgences, laziness,………………………………..

As the song goes…
Change my heart oh God. Make it ever true. Change my heart oh God, make it more like You. You are the potter and I am in the clay. Make me and mold me, this is what i pray. Change my heart oh God, make it ever true. Change my heart oh God, make it more like You.

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Filed Under: change, Hosea, mercy, ministry, repentance
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Rituals of the Heart? – 203

December 14, 2006 By Leave a Comment

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Lord Jesus – i have to admit i am a bit stressed. I still have quite a bit to do and not a lot of time left. Mom and Dad have graciously accepted my plea to take the kids on Tuesday of next week so that i can come back here and pack the rest of the house and then clean once it is all picked up. Lord, i am still praying, but not always believing that you will get us a contract on the house before next Friday. I think in my heart so often what good is it if i don’t always believe, but as the man in Mark (chapter 6 or 9, i can’t remember right off hand) said, “I do believe, but Lord, help my unbelief.” That is the way i feel as we get deeper and deeper into the remaining days. Please Lord, if you so see fit, sell our house. Thank you.

This morning in Hosea, chpt. 8, a couple thoughts from verses caught my attention. In verse 5 God is explaining to them that He can not bless a nation that worships calves. And my first thought was well how stupid of them to worship a statue, something that is not even real and can not move. How weird and why… But then as i was thinking i could feel You tug on my heart and asked me to think about the things we worship as idols. Some are real and alive, but others are not. We worship cars, houses, clothes, celebrities, schools, preachers, ministers, speakers, computers, ipods, etc. Really the list can go on and on. An idol is anything that replaces God for whatever reason and keep our worship from the one true God. We allow our material things – ME INCLUDED – to try to bring us peace, bring us fame, bring us contentment, etc.

I was talking about my living here in Charlotte and having it all. It was almost like living in Charlotte was no risk. Clay’s old business would most likely continue to do well and we would just keep on doing life, ministry, and having lots of things. Easy – in some sorts. But living in Norris City is going to look very different. There is some risk, not so much risk going to that place because it seems full of much safety in a worldly sense – small town, low crime, nice school, nice people, etc. – but the risk is leaving it all behind. My friend was asking me very pointedly – Why, why would you do that Leigh? It felt so good to say, “those things don’t matter. I have had it all and it is nice to have it all, and it is not that i will be without in my new town, but that it won’t be a necessity like it feels here. I had a choice and still have a choice to be simple here in Charlotte and go to what i think i am heading for in Illinois, but that is not the point. There is a greater purpose than just getting my life back to simple in any location. Simpler life is our next chapter in life and that sounds really exciting to me. Not boring, but simple. Casting down the idols and i would be remiss not to mention the blessings as well, in my life and laying at His feet. Will He “provide a ram” and give it all back? I don’t think so and i really don’t want any of it back. I want what He has prepared and that will be better and perfect and peaceful!

Then in verse 13 God is telling them their sacrifices are not acceptable because there is not heart. Oh Lord, i have seen that in my own life from time to time – not heart, just ritual. It is so ugly and so binding. There is not boundless joy and peace. There are times we must continue through the process and steps to regain that heart. We might change up how we do our quiet time or the time we attend church or a different SS class, but we continue on in the practices. We continue being faithful to our righteousness and pray for our heart to return. He will honor us not giving up and seeking Him earnestly even though we don’t “feel” it. But really what God doesn’t want is for me to just do something, even my quiet time, if i am just seeking to check it off my list. This is no different than anything else – it is all about the motivation. Doing something to check it off a list or to seek another’s approval and doing it out of obedience and love and worship.

There is a fine line there and i am not sure when it is crossed. But i think too often people will just no go to church anymore or meet with the Lord or whatever it is because they don’t “feel” it anymore. God must have left the places or the situations and so i am just going to sit out until He returns or i “feel” it again. Plus if my heart is not there then what good is it anyway. I think that is one of the most dangerous places to be. Satan loves it and will take no time like the present to bombard that person with more secret or unseen sin and temptations than ever. He has convince you to let your guard down, to hold off seeking Him, and now the real war starts. Oh it will be ugly and messy, and oh so damaging to more than just yourself.

Lord, all scenarios i have found myself in. Fun – no way, but then again, yes in the beginning. Lord, don’t let me fall prey again. Keep me close and help me to hold on even when i want to let go even for a short time. Thank you for your patience and love. Thank you for your acceptance and mercy. Thank you for your grace and accepting my worship. “May my life be as worship to you”! (Meredith Andrews) I love you, Lord, increase my love and belief!

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Filed Under: divided heart, Hosea, rituals
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202 posts – Only Half Good

December 13, 2006 By Leave a Comment

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Good Morning Lord Jesus, I am “slap wore out” as we say in the South or my momma says “I am just sick and tired”. We had Emmajoy’s birthday party last night at Build a Bear and it was quite an experience. Wow, those little girls can scream and just be so silly. I loved it and Emmajoy loved it even more. Only by a pure miracle we were able to get her a Baby Alive and it was only $35. She was so pumped. I wonder if she will ever outgrow babies. She is such a momma.

My verse in Hosea that impressed my heart this morning was verse 8. “Ephraim mixes with the nations; Ephraim is a flat cake not turned over.” A flat cake not turned over is like saying it is only 1/2 good. There is some goodness about the people or nation, but an equal portion that is no good and quite useless to God. The Lord even speaks many times in the New Testament about being lukewarm. That is something He greatly detests and something that makes Him vomit. Yikes, that speaks volumes to me.

To a brand new Christian being faithful to going to church is a big step, but for one that has been following the Lord for any larger amount of time, going to church should be a basic that is without question. Not only does the Lord draw you into a deeper relationship just because of who He is, but we also strive for a deeper relationship as a responsibility of Him saving us from our dreadful and sure end. So along the same line the quiet time should be a normal occurrence as well. God, how many times i have been the one riding the fence? Maybe i have not been so divided on my quiet time, but my heart – and isn’t that the real issue anyway… I may have been the one to have the actions, but my heart may be full of disrespect, sin, and fence riding capabilities. Now what good is that – none!!!

Lord Jesus – I don’t want to be just half good to You. I want to have an undivided heart and one that is willing to go the whole way with you not teetering from side to side. I want a Yes Sir kind of attitude and one that is excited to obey. I want to treat others around me in a way that draws them closer to You and certainly not causes them to repel of worse rebel. Jesus, convict me on my 1/2 good ways. Forgive me for a lukewarm heart and one that makes You want to vomit. Oh Lord, I just hate to think that my actions would make You want to get sick and be repulsed! Lord, change me, make me, mold me, use me, and take me! I want to be all Yours. I love you!

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Filed Under: divided heart, Hosea, lukewarm
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I am sorry and will turn around…

December 12, 2006 By Leave a Comment

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Dear Lord, this morning in Hosea 6 lies a great deal of conviction and call for repentance. The whole chapter begins like a conversation between 2 people. They are talking about how they have been dealt their punishments for sin, but God would heal them up. They even discuss this whole process of restoration like it is a 3 day equation. Verse 2 states, “after 2 days He will revive us and on the 3rd day He will restore us.” Kind of just matter of fact and no big deal. Like their sins were only to the degree of only needing 2 days of revival and 1 day of restoration. But the fact of the real matter, this country had totally rejected the love of the Lord. Remember He liken them to a prostitute. I think back in the days of rituals, atonement and procedure, i doubt 2 days of revival and 1 day of restoration is going to get them on the right path.

But i confess i really am no different. I can go through a certain sin and think that just by lifting up a quick, “forgive me, Lord, I am sorry” and that is it, we are finished with the matter. Just that simple to live in the blessings again. But no, my Jesus requires more. He wants a heart yes, that says i am sorry, but then a life that turns from those actions and walks differently. I have no problem saying i am sorry (well, at least i don’t think i have a problem saying i am sorry), but it is the part of making a conscious effort to live differently that is tough at times. I want to do it, but sometimes forget because i have been living in that sin – be it an attitude, fleshly desire, or just sinful action – for so long it almost feels right or at least normal.

Lord, i am stunned at what You call our love for You in the next few verse. You say our love for You is like the “morning mist” or dew. That means it does not stay long and evaporates quickly. We might have good intentions first thing in the morning, but by mid morning at best those intentions, promises or even hopeful wishes are gone as if never there.

Jesus, forgive me. Forgive me as i have seen this in my life more than once to say the least. Jesus, i want to repent and it be more than just words. I want to have a changed heart and actions that follow. Lord, give me the desires to walk in Your way s and to follow Your paths. Lord, what are the things that i need to repent of? What are the things i need to turn from and walk differently. Lord, I want to be used by You, but i know that i must have a clean heart and right actions to follow. Ironically sometimes it is easier to walk right, but not have a right heart! Lord, you know me inside and out and i confess my sin to You. Make my thoughts line up with You and may my intentions and motivations be pleasing to You. I want to be that city on the hill or salt and light to the world. Use me to any degree You see fit to make Your Name famous. I pray for many opportunities today to share Your love. I love you!

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Filed Under: confession, forgiveness, Hosea, repentance
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Awesome weekend

December 11, 2006 By Leave a Comment

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Dear Lord, Thank you so much for the great weekend. It was the best birthday i have had in a long time. My sweet and precious Holly, the one i feel like i have raised somewhat, took the time to come down and see us before we shipped off. She is working full time at Duke and also going to seminary. She has reason to be busy and unavailable to stop and say good-bye. But it was great to spend that time with her and her new love. Dimitry, from the Ukraine, was absolutely awesome. They just met not too long ago in seminary and i predict will not wait too long to get married. Their hearts are just so much alike and they just look meant for each other. He is incredibly intelligent and so kind, but fun and quite handsome. I think the kids about drove him crazy, well i really mean wore him out. It was great to just sit and talk about the Lord with them and for us all to be on the same page. They are going to do great things in the Lord.

This morning I have ventured back to Hosea – chapter 5 today. Lord Jesus, i remember the time in college when i was searching You with all my heart, but could just not find You, as far as that deep relationship and closeness i had felt before. It was a very strange time because i was seeking and wanted desperately to know Your will. I had dated a guy the year before and almost made the mistake of marrying him. That would have been the worst – for both of us. So i didn’t want to make the same mistake and wanted to hear from You. You seemed so distant.

Hosea 5:6 “When they go with their flocks and herds to seek the Lord, they will not find him; He has withdraw himself from them.”

We see here that due to great sin, God has withdrawn Himself from these people, His chosen people. The reason is obvious here – rebellious heart. The time i was talking about before i don’t think was so much removal because of vast amount of sin, but rather His way of drawing me closer in. Taking a bit of the closeness away so that i strive to go deeper with Him to regain that closeness, but actually develop a greater need for Him. The point i believe i see here is that God will do what He needs to do to bring us back to Him or take us deeper. I do understand when He withdraws himself it is not in a “lose our salvation” kind of way. That is secure and no one can ever pluck me out of the hand of God. But God will remove that closeness in time of rebellion just because of the simple fact that He will not dwell closely with such deliberate sin and contemptuousness. The Spirit within us never leaves, but certainly is not going to be as powerful in our lives because of all the sin.

But He will also remove Himself – the closeness – to draw us closer. In college i did everything possible to feel Him again. No my relationship with the Lord is not suppose to be about a feeling, but at that time that is all i knew. I was only 1 year or less removed from that memory of youth group highs. I wanted Him close again! He showed up in a huge way and i have since discovered other reasons for His distance at that time.

Lord, thank you for the way you have moved in my life over the years. Thank you for the times i have not felt You so close. Thank you! It has increased my longing to know You more. There are times even today that i want my quiet time to feel closer than it does on certain days. But as i have gotten older and hopefully a bit more mature I understand You are drawing me in on a daily basis. I am to seek with all my heart whether i feel or not. I am to pursue You with a heart of reckless abandonment. I will, but please show me what that looks like.

We were to asked to share our testimony yesterday at church of our upcoming move. It was great to get it down on paper all that i have learned on the way and then try to expound upon it. Maybe some day i have a title to a book – Putting Feet to our Faith! Heather and I did receive our first rejection letter from a publisher! Heather told me to frame it, i am not there just yet. Oh me of little faith!

I love you, Lord. Thank you for keeping the kids asleep. 11 more days and still quite a bit of packing to do. Let’s get it done! Hopefully we will hear back from the latest church considering me. I want to go!! Please bring more opportunities.

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Filed Under: Hosea, intimacy, rebellion, Speaking, surrendered life, wanting more
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Internal War

December 7, 2006 By Leave a Comment

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Lord, you know the thoughts i battle, the idols i war against, and the internal struggle to follow Your plan for my life in everything I do. Not an easy task and one that is quite the daily war, yet so worth it and filled with such blessings. But i think the war i battle the most often right now is the need for things and what is appropriate for me and my family. I look at what i have and then look at what others have and really am confused by my feelings. I know God has blessed us and i am so thankful, but i often wonder if i have gone too far. Is there a more reasonable standard i could live at and be able to pour out to more people? Am i making any sense Lord?

I have not always been this way. I am not sure if the Lord is giving me a new conviction, maturing me, or what the deal is. I grew up with pretty conservative parents. My dad was quite successful and my mom was a teacher for many years. So i believe, even though they may disagree, we could have lived much “higher” than we did. We were never hurting by any means, and we lived in very nice houses and all, but as far as being excessive, we were not! I so respect that and apprecriate this example today. I have not always lived like that and maybe in my own mind i am coming back to my roots.

So as i look around and I hear things from people and from media, my heart aches for the need to have more. We want a bigger house that we can live in forever. We want certain counter tops, we want this many square feet, we want 2 front doors (my dream), we want extra space for guests, we want curved archways, we want this amount of land, we want………………. None of that is bad and many of those are my own statements, but where do we draw the line.

We had an unknown couple in our Sunday School class come across $3000 extra dollars. Instead of fixing up the house, getting a new car, etc. they drilled a well. A well in Rowanda! How cool is that! There are people over there in Rowanda that will now have clean water just because these folks said no thanks, we will do without and bless another! Now that is living out some faith!

What i see so often in my life as well – please hear me, i am totally including myself – I am going to take care of me and make sure my family – a great time to throw in “afterall, they are my first priority, right? – is well provided for and then i will reach out to others. I am going to make sure my girls are cute as a bug in a rug with all the appropriate bows and shoes, tights, etc. (I would just die if they had a poor self-image because i had not dressed them right.), make sure my house is well decorated and that we are working towards our next house, make sure my kids have that private school (who is going to be the light in the public schools), or certainly homeschool, or at least the best i can get them, make sure my son has every opportunity to make it to the pros, definitely have cable and all the latest gadgets, my oh my – i could go on and on. All of this is done, by me as well, in the name of being a good mom and wanting to keep my first priority in check! But in actuality many times we develop our first priority into an idol. We think and worship our kids so much that they receive more from us than we could ever dream of giving God. Why would we send them to private school – other than a personal conviction – because i would never have my kids exposed to anything than the best. Heaven forbid them to actually know the world and me be held accountable and be responsible for having to teach them to say no and act right and have higher standards! Boy, am i on a roll………. God is doing something in my heart!

I am not casting judgement on anyone, but my society. I am casting judgemetn on myslef and trying to figure out what is next for me. I go into stores and still have a desire to buy and have things and want things to look nice, but have i gone too far and why is this excessive feeling welled up in me so much? What is my motivation? I think we justify our need to look good and look better than we really are by saying, “I am keeping my priorities straight.” It has nothing to do with filling this need for more and keep with the Jones. And in this pursuit there is no peace, even for the Christian.

Hosea 4:10
“They will eat and not have enough; they will engage in prostitution and not have an increase, because they have deserted the Lord to give themselves to prostitution, to old wine and new, which take away the understanding of my people.”

Lord, have i now or in the past given myself over to prostitution in the pursuit of more? Make my heart content and give me a peace about what is enough for me! I want Your will!

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Filed Under: Africa, Hosea, motivation, peace, priorities, surrendered life, wanting more, Your will
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No Cost is Too Much – no spell check

December 6, 2006 By Leave a Comment

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Oh Lord, I am so tired, i can hardly see straight! Allow me to ask you real quick to keep Elleigh in her bed, please. I stayed up really late last night wrapping presents with Carter and Natalie and just trying to figure out computers! I wish i knew more, but i am so not good! Just like prophesy I am too intimidated to even try to learn more. I don’t even understand the terms.

This morning was chapter 3 of Hosea. It was a very short chapter, only 5 verses. In it the Lord tells Hosea to go buy Gomer back and keep her for good. I don’t think it was ever his choise to lose her, but i think the Lord is just irriterating how important forgiveness is. Especially in adultry we have the right to divorce, God says that in His Word, but yet do we always have His permission? “Everything is permissible, but is it beneficial?” You know it can be the same thing as – we all have the right to be in ministry, but do we have His permission? God was not giving Hosea the freedom to divorce Gomer. He was saying to take her back just as i take you back every time! Thank you, Lord.

Then the interesting thing is that Hosea tells her that she is to live with him, have no other lovers or prostitute herself, and he will live with her. When we run back into God’s arms or even when He forces us back to Him – He still calls the shots. We view God too often as the power that is a push over and one that does not control things and especially us. But God calls all the shots and things are on His terms. Many times our attitude is that we can just run away again. Or we can bring Him out of the closet when we need Him again or that we are actully in control. Trust me, NOT, we are not in control. We have choices, but He is still sovereign.

Verse 4 – when we return to God we are to bring nothing with us from that time of destruction, disobedience, running, or whatever name you can justify it to be! In fact because He loves us and wants to be our everything, He may take everything away before the time of complete peaceful reign and blessings flow once again…

Lord Jesus – forgive me of my adultry to You. I know i have not always been the faithful one and yet You have always taken me back! No cost is ever too much to You and that is amazing to me – especially knowing me! I love you Lord. Do Your miracle work today and make my body not so tired even though i have so little sleep. Thank you for your kindness and love! You could never ask too much of me – no cost is too much. When my lips don’t say that honestly, make it the cry of my heart! I love you!

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Filed Under: adultery, Follow, Hosea, ministry, surrendered life, unfaithful, Your will
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