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May 18, 2012

627 – I am not left out!

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Oh Lord Jesus, what a great weekend and I thank you for it. Not what I wanted to do, not what I was expecting, and not what I had dreamed, nevertheless, completely wonderful and eventful. Thank you Savior!

Kindness and love are still pouring in as a result of my footies situation! Many emails of people speaking excitement and joy into my life. I thank you!! And yes, I did even have the person ask what in the world was I not doing or what incredible sin was in my life that HE would allow both feet to be hurt to keep me down! It’s fair – well, if I had known her on any personal level. Oh well. I did stop and think and ponder and ask the Lord His opinion. It’s ok – it has purpose too!

The most common response to all this is, “Wow, Leigh, the Lord must really be wanting to show or do or something in your life. He has something for you and someone is trying to slow you down or keep you from pressing forward.” That too could be the case. Again I wanted HIS opinion.

I have to admit there is a feeling of being left out that is not too uncommon in my heart having moved to Illinois. It is a common feeling from way back youth as well. I love a crowd and hate to left out of it. It is not from Him, but something that I deal with from time to time! I struggle with many of my ministry friends on moving on to bigger and seemingly better things and I feel left behind. I hear of others doing those big city things like having lunch with Kay Arthur – Kay Arthur is not coming to Carmi and I don’t happen to know anyone in case she did that would invite me to have lunch with her if she did – like my friend Ginger – you lucky dog! Going through blogland after a big deal conference that I didn’t attend brings those old feelings back again as well. Felt very left out after She Speaks postings and now the Siesta deal. I just want to be involved in it all – that is me, never want to be alone or not in the center of the crowd. Not THE center usually, but IN the center!

So I kept waiting for the big bang to hit me this weekend as I sat wondering about all my buddies down snub hubbin’ with Beth and her girls. I kept waiting for God to reveal something. I kept waiting for something to hit me and I would start praying like I have never in my life. I kept waiting for the phone call from…………….I don’t know… just dreaming. hee hee Constantly the Lord had to remind me to take the “left out” feeling captive and turn it to Him! I was physically hurt, I needed rest, I had other stuff to tend to, and I just needed to praise since He had just HEALED my daughter! It was my turn to be home, but why?

So the other morning I was having my quiet time. It sent me to Mark 7:31-36. This was the account of Jesus sticking his fingers in a man’s ears to make him hear and spitting (doesn’t say if it was on his tongue or on his hand) and the touching his tongue to make him talk. The whole specifics of the story had me a bit caught off guard. But the thing I thin the Lord wanted me to see was that the man took him away from the crowd to do the WORK in his life. The scriptures specifically say Jesus pulled him away from the crowd and then did these miracles in his life.

If that was not enough here is the first sentence in my devo book,”Sometimes when Jesus is about to do something really special in our lives, He will rearrange our surroundings. He will take us out of our element…” Driving out to something the other day the girls asked me – Mom, are you a city girl or a country girl? I told them I thought I was neither. The big city does nothing for me, but neither does the country. I think I am just a small town girl.

The Lord has changed my surroundings often all my life. He has done it again and I wait in anticipation. My issue is trying to wait without great expectations of what I want – just trying to wait to see what He exposes and being able to WALK in it with the wonderful joy of Jesus exuding from every pore. Oh Lord, what a task – thank you for being my provider, help, and shield. Thank you for making me aware of the left out feelings and for showing me You have not forgotten. Oh Lord, You are so good and faithful. I love you Savior.

We have another tennis match today. Girls lost all their matches yesterday, but did awesome!! I was very, very proud of them! Had the MRI as well yesterday and am going back tomorrow for the results. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better. Walking without crutches and can even shuffle along without the boots in the mornings and at night. Not sure if i suppose to be doing that! Anyway – we shall see. This is His day – I will rejoice!

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428 – Deeper Still

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Bless the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me bless His holy name!

Heavenly Father, how do i even begin to talk about this past weekend. I am so full. I guess I will begin by saying thank you! Thank you for speaking so clearly. Thank you for allowing me to have special time with Tamy. Thank you for allowing me to see all the blogging girls. Thank you for allowing me to be in your presence. Thank you for allowing me to see and hug the neck of Teresa. Thank you for allowing me to open Your Word and see it fresh every time. Thank you for allowing me to see the speakers up close and personal in the raw. Thank you thank you thank you! Thank you for allowing me to worship like i have never have before ever, ever, ever!

I think God spoke to me most profoundly through Priscilla. Wow, what a woman of God. What a heritage. What a anointing, what a love, what an intelligence, what a sense of humor……….I want to be her friend! hee hee More than anything I was so impressed with how she could call out the Word verbatim AND where it was found. On the way to the arena, my friend Tamy asked me where God has me right now. I told her i felt like I was in a holding pattern for the next 2 years for various reasons and then at the end of that season He would release me for some different things in ministry. I have said that for some time. Then Priscilla begins to speak and explains that David was anointed at 15, but not at the pinnacle of his kingship until 37. There was a 22 year gap between anointing and actual kingship. God game down in the arena, picked me up, and sat me back down on his lap in His loving arms. He said – “you too will have to wait. (Please do not hear I think I am going to be a king – Lordy no!) I have plans for you, but you will have to wait. Keep doing as you are doing, but spend less time at the computer, less time emailing, and less time “making it happen”. I have placed you in Illinois so that you have no way of manipulating the scene of what I am doing and am going to do. You have no big named church to run a conference through, you have no big name connections to promote you, you have limited resources, you have no close seminary to get an education, you have distance and I like that, you lack all the things that one needs to go anywhere and I like it!!!!!! Whatever I do for you in ministry and throughout your life, people will say that it had to be the Lord because from where you are and lack of contacts and distance – it had to be the Lord!!! People will cry out Holy is the Lord because it had to be ME.” Oh Lord – it has to be You!!! Holy!!

I was so full that night I just couldn’t imagine Him having anything more for me on Saturday. Let it rein – let it rein!!! And it did!!! Beth’s last point was that We have to have the courage to see the fulfillment of God’s promises to us or ask for it. I remember standing to my feet and asking God to bless me. I am not sure I have ever really done that. It was kind of scary because I knew the vast amount of blessings that my God has done in my life without much asking. So if i asked for Him to bless me, would my family as a whole be able to handle all of His blessings? I asked for Him to make apparent the blessings because there are days I am sure to miss them. I stood and stretched out my hands towards Heaven and begged for the grace and mercy to withstand His blessings. I know that sounds so crazy, but my God is just so good and abundant! And the part Beth explained about Song of Solomon 6 :10-11 – Oh Lord, please don’t let my heart to be carried off by others things when I lose my focus, when i look to the left and the right, when i allow the foxes in, when I choose not to receive Your blessings, when I just get lazy. Keep me on your path, keep my heart with the Your path, keep me on the straight and narrow! I want to serve you!!! I want to love you. I want to be near to you! I am so full!

I spoke on Friday morning at a HUGE MOPS group – wow they were an awesome bunch of ladies and so firey!! They laughed, reacted, asked questions, were energetic, lively, and just plain precious and fun! The Lord came down and spoke right through me. It was a message on Love Languages of children and Birth Order. There is not a whole lot of scripture which i don’t like, but it is such a great message in teaching the moms how to deal more clearly and effectively with their kids. I can say great because it is not my material and it is His message! But He was there!!! He was very real, and wonderfully strong there! Wow – thank you, Lord!

Oh my Word – my church service yesterday was incredible!! He interrupted his series for a 40 day emphasis on prayer in preparation for the revival coming soon. My preacher is the most humble servant of the Lord I have ever seen. He loves Jesus and love his congregation! He spoke Sunday morning with such passion. The last night he took us through his own way of praying and using scripture in his prayers. He was so afraid of being seen as “having it all together in prayer”, and he did not come across that one bit. Oh it was beautiful! God is about to move in that church in a huge way and I am so excited to see it. People went forward to pray at the alter yesterday – it was awesome! I am so excited!!! We also joined the church yesterday and I felt such a huge love and peace!! It was incredible! We are home – now if we could ever get in our new house! ha ha – it is coming along really well! Praise you Lord – I am so excited to see what you are going to do! Instruct me in the way I should go and don’t let me turn from Your will! Help me to hear Your ways and direction! Help me to glorify you alone! I love you!

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406 – I’m Done

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Lord Jesus – I know as weird as it may sounds, I am done Believing God. No, no, no – I am not going to quit believing God, but i am done with the Bible study! It was even better the second time around and I would not hesitate doing it again and again! It is that good!! Thank you for all the wonderful writing and creative thoughts you gave to Beth Moore for this one. I think it may be her finest! I would even venture to say this was her foundational piece even though not her first. Never heard anything like that, but she alluded to that in the end! Thank you Jesus!

I just about don’t know what to say from here. I get Believing God better than I ever have, but yet still so much to grasp. My small zoo victory on Tuesday is the beginning of hopefully many to come! But more than anything I want to get better about understanding and using the 5th principle – “God’s Word is alive and active in me.” I want to have a habit of stating His word and then standing on it for years to come!! What is the method you want me to do – stack of index cards with themes or issues? one verse a day to inhale all day? one issue at a time? one verse at a time for a week or so? There are so many different ways of implementing His Word and the point of it all is that you just have to start. Or excuse me I just have to start!!!!!!!!!

This morning I read that the church was the “pillar and foundation of all Truth!” 1 Tim. 3:15-16. Oh Lord I do believe it!! I want to inhale it and exhale the truth! Grow me Lord!

I have a prayer request for all readers out there! My son is growing up. He is pushing the boundaries and that in turn is pushing me. He is a good, good boy and would never act out away from home – at least up to this point! He wants to be big so bad and wants to do all that he thinks that means! ugh!!!! I know he is just trying to figure out what kind of man he is going to be and if he is still cool!! But it is driving me bonkers!! He is pressing every issue that is foundational around here. “Why do we have to listen Christian music? Can I play a “T” rated game if i buy it with my own money? Can I get a dirt bike? Mom, but what do bad words really mean? Mom, everyone goes to computer games that have chat. I just won’t respond when others are asking questions. It is not a big deal, Mom. I don’t want to say the prayer at dinner. I think pimping up a car is cool.” (Yes, my head about spun off on that one!!! He does not even know what a pimp is, but better yet, how in the tarnation did he even know to say that word.) See, do you see what I mean?????????????? It is killing me! I have come to my greatest Believing God issue!!!

My kids……….. my son is His! I have to train them and give them all the right preparation, but ultimately I must trust Him and Believe You Father to do a good work in and through them! That is my prayer so often right now – Oh Lord, set their heart on fire for You and do it early. The hardest thing with trusting right now is that we moved. In Charlotte we had christian school that was fabulous – it rivals all schools in that area. I mean every morning my kids’ teachers would have not just prayer, but a devotion! They would journal their thoughts, take prayer requests, sing, just whatever to make it real for their age!! Oh I miss it!! So worth the price!! Then our church of 17,000 (i say that so you understand the massive amount of resources they had to work with.) spared nothing on its children’s ministry. Yes, buildings were a bit dated, but vision and commitment was not! My kids had it all in terms of big city church with unlimited resources to train them up in the way they should go! Please hear me I am not knocking my new church or anything – you heard me write about Mrs. Cutchin yesterday and that is Tucker’s SS teacher right now. Our church does awesome things with its children just like the one in Charlotte. But it is the school I miss so bad! I have had some people gasp at the thought of leaving Norris City and moving to Carmi. To me that is not a big deal. I can make any move because to me I left everything in Charlotte. I am not bitter – not at all – I am just at my pivotal Believing God point and this is one that I may not see His results until they are all grown up.

Doing what the Lord has asked of you takes guts and courage. There will never be a time that all agree or are happy for you – not ever!! I have had a wonderful time living in Illinois, but it is very different than where I came from. I do miss home, but I do love the new place He has for us. In those days that my faith is least I have a pity party of all that I left. But the one thing I come back to and is my rock – we are right in the middle of His will. I know that without a shadow of doubt! I miss the old, but know we are right where He wants us to be. Knowing that and having Him confirm that over and over is the way I rejoice in what He is doing now and what He will do in the future in and through my kids!! His plan is not mine – but i will obey and I will trust and I will believe!!! Having Him speak favor over me and confirmation in my life is all I need – all I need!!! All this and Jesus too!! Right Dori? I am blessed oh so blessed! May my life be as worship to you! I love you!

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404 – the Collaboration

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Lord Jesus – yeah, praise be to You, I am up and with you at my normal time!! Yeah – you did it this morning, thank you! We are going to sweat it out with all the animals today at the St. Louis zoo. It is going to be a scorcher!! Please protect us – keep us safe and keep us together. I am hoping there will not be that many there. Of course my church group, but other than that. Lord, I pray that You allow us to see the glory of You revealed in Your creation. I want to see those hidden animals that You so creatively created. I want to hear a hippo shout out praises to You at the top of his lungs. I want to see that snake – yuck – slither by the glass case. Oh Lord, I am praying to see You in a real and different way today! Thank you – in advance!

Well, I have been holding back telling all the latest happenings going on with Speaking Thru Me because i am not even sure myself. In a nutshell, when I was with Proverbs 31 Ministries the thing i loved the most was the team aspect. It was tough at times with so many ladies that speak and many times speak their minds, but it was wonderful being able to go through everything together. Since the Lord lead me to leave and go out on my own in 2005 it has been lonely and hard. I like being able to talk things over with others, to cast visions for the upcoming year, to plan for the future, and to dream – BIG! I have told the Lord this all along. Well, in March of this year I went down to Nashville and did a retreat for my friend Ginger Moore. She and I went to college together, but did not “know” each other like i would have like to now that i “know” her. I missed out… But we connected. Our hearts were one as far as ministry goes and we had a passion that anyone could have seen from miles around. I am sure there were fire underneath our tires that day we drove to the retreat center dreaming about all that lies ahead.

At that time i had not said anything to her about coming on board with me. But as the months progressed the Lord over and over brought her to mind. She is a hard worker, an energetic crazy woman for the Lord, and such a heart for ministry! She is a blast, but a dreamer as well. I love that. So i spoke with her about 3 weeks ago asking if she would consider joining me in ministry, but i had no idea what that looked like or what I had to offer. I still don’t. BUT GOD – don’t you just love that – He has got something up His sleeve and I am beginning to see it unfold every day!! Oh how i can not wait to see. So as i have said over and over again, but didn’t understand my heart stalling for whatever reason I am going to apply for non-profit status. That is first on the list of things to do, but now we will be a team. We will still be Speaking Thru Me Ministries, but there is more than one Me. We hope to be more than a speaking agency – no, not that at all – but ministry. We just don’t know what it is to look like. I know a tad, tiny tad about ministry and speaking. I want to take all the ladies I can with me, strengthening the body of Christ and lifting up the name of Jesus. For whatever reason ladies are hungry for the Word and He is using them like no other time before. I do not want to be a lonely, self-absorbed, not willing to lend a hand or any wisdom – kind of ministry woman. I want to encompass everyone and really work together as the Body of Christ is suppose to!!! There will now be Valarie as the prayer woman, Tisha in administration, and Ginger and I. Amen, Jesus!!!

I am who He says I am!!! I have got to live like that and believe that!!! I do know what He says I am, but also importantly I know who I am not!!! I am not a Redeemer, a Judge, a healer, a comforter, and savior, a King, a Prince, or prince of peace…………………….. He is God and I am not He!!! I rest in that and praise Him for that!

Romans 11: 33-36

33Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and[a] knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! 34″Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?”[b] 35″Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?”[c] 36For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.

I love that – “who has ever given to God that He should repay him?” That just about makes me laugh. Like i think I could ever out give God or give to Him so much or of any value that I would ask for repayment……….. what a joke!!! He is Lord!!!!!!!!! Let me know if you want a CD or DVD. I have about 10 going out today and would be thrilled to send some more if need be. Just let me know!

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403 – Blending In

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Oh Lord, thank you for a great night’s rest and for a beautiful morning to wake up to. I have gotten slack this last couple of weeks about getting up at my regular time. I need to get back disciplined about that because school is on its way. It seems like since the middle of July I have been going 90 to nothing. I have not had time to write You any letters on my blog and that bothers me. When I don’t write out what You have just taught me after studying, it just doesn’t stick as well. On top of computer problems – I want to give a huge shout out to PB for taking the time, every time, to fix my computer!!! I am gonna start calling him Bourne, Computer Bourne! Alisha, thanks for allowing him to come to my computer rescue so often! – OK, so i was saying on top of computer problems i have been traveling to Nashville and back, to Kentucky and back, all over Southern Illinois looking at hole in the wall antiques shops, fixing up our new/old house, painting, school shopping, ran a road race, and then got my foot stung by a yellow jacket. My foot on the bottom is huge. I have never had a swollen foot pad – weird!

I was saying that I ran a road race, 3.1 miles. Andrea and I are training for a half marathon in October and in our training we decided to throw in a little race. YES, it was hard! It was hot, it was hilly, and it was bumpy. Andrea did awesome. I think our time was just over 30 minutes and she probably could have shaved off 2 or 3 minutes easily, but she was so kind and stayed with me. After the first mile i was toast. We passed the marker and my clock read 8:24!!!!!!!!!!! UGH, i don’t run that fast so i knew i was in trouble for the rest of the race. I am barely any good for a 10 minute mile. Then as we turned the corner to go into the forest, trouble was ahead. I did fine in the forest for the first 3 or 4 minutes, but then i hit a root going downhill and ate it!!!!!!!!! It was funny, but not at the time. I went into the forest clean, but sweaty and came out a muddy, filthy mess. How embarrassing! Andrea was so good about quoting scripture the whole time and pushing me on. I am telling you, she was incredible. I could barely breath. She was telling me to say it out loud and I could not even find my whisper. I was dieing, it was a slow death, and would not come quick enough. Survival was a must since i was being challenged by a 8 or 9 year old boy towards the end of the race. Humbling!! I am glad it is over. But I would do it again tomorrow!

Jesus, I am on the last week of my Believing God study. Today I was in 2 Timothy 3:1-5 talked about the end times. It explained all the things we can look for, but specifically behaviors in others. Lovers of money, lack of self-control, unforgiving, without love, proud, boastful, rash, etc. Man, some of those things are not too far from my behaviors, but are certainly exactly what we see today. Are we in the end times? – well, we are closer every day that passes. But verse 5 is the kicker – “having some form of godliness, but denying its power.” So these are people that probably look a lot like you and me, but are denying the power of the Cross. So while they are non-believers, i think we call them “good people” or a “good person”. They sit with us in church, they go to Bible study with us, they live in our homes, they talk a good talk, but when life begins to press or the heat is turned up it is then that the blatant sin rears its head. I think this is the time we look the most like them! They are great at blending in and so are you and I!

I feel You asking me Lord, how do I look different? Am I giving into all the ways of man? There is a huge pressure right now all over the world to be “fixed” – do something to your body to look better or feel better. Right or wrong – I will not judge, but there is a pressure to be fixed. In business, do we deal honestly, do we treat employees kindly, do we go above and beyond what is asked from our employers, etc. With friends do we find ourselves talking about the latest, do we quickly judge each other (ouch), do we write each other off after a disagreement, do we throw one another under the bus? At home do we scream at the kids, do we argue to the death with our spouse, do we neglect our ministry at home? With money, am I willing to give my last shirt, am I willing to give what is His, am I willing to give sacrificially, do I hoard, be stingy, or try to make things even at all times? With our spouse, are we competing, are we cheating, are we stealing, are we always trying to win, are we negative, are we grumpy, are we no fun?

How am i different or am I just blending in? Can you even see a difference at all? Oh Lord, reveal to me my blending points. Reveal to me that times I look no different due to my actions or reactions. Reveal to me the sin that causes others to wonder about my faith. Reveal to me the places in my life that show no evidence of my faith in You. Show me Lord. I love you!

Last thing – I know this is the weirdest thing, but I believe God has asked me to do this. My last time I spoke in Charlotte was powerful. What i mean is that the Lord took over – like I pray so often – but was speaking things out of me that I had not planned. It was if I had stepped aside and He put another that looked just like me to speak the message. So i want to offer that message to whomever wants it. It is His message and something I think He wants to tell others. I have it on CD or DVD form. I would just be thrilled to send it to you if you feel the Lord telling you to get it. Or if just curiosity has you and you want it that is fine too. I know I could be in trouble if 50 people asked for it, but I will trust Him. It is all about Him!! You are welcome to leave a comment or email me directly.

Busy, busy week! Going to get the girls ears pierced today, tomorrow we are going to St. Louis zoo and register for school, Thursday we are going to Holiday World – Rachel, want to get away and go with us? -, and who knows what else in between and after all that. He is Lord!!! May we shine differently and never blend in!

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402 – It May Hurt or Stretch You!

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Lord Jesus – good morning! It is a great morning and I am so thankful to be up and at ‘em! My body is so tired. We closed on the house on Friday and have been working non-stop since then. We have trimmed bushes, pulled and pulled and pulled on wallpaper. Many places we have it down to the plaster, but still there is the scraping to do. My in laws have been a huge help and support for which I am very grateful. And of course my parents have my kids which makes for a home run! I know things will slow down once we are back to “full capacity”.

Clay and I did take some time on Saturday to go to New Harmony, one of the original utopia societies. I would love to go back soon. I love all the old homes, I love the stories, I love the antiques………. I don’t know where i got all those likes. My parents are not into antiques and we have never had any of all that. But i do remember when I lived in Massena, NY being fascinated with my friends’ older homes. Sarah Shangraw’s home was just incredible!! I loved all that!

This morning I have an “interview” kind of thingy with a small college about teaching some courses possibly. I am excited to know the possibilities. It could be really fun and quite an opportunity for me – one that I could actually work with while i am still home with kids! Thank you Lord in advance for whatever you may be doing there. I want to hear from you as to whether I walk through this door or not. If you need to close it and make there be no opportunities I pray that be very clear and obvious!! Thank you Lord!

I wish there was some way I could express all that I am “feeling” in my heart right now. I am so terribly excited and just want to jump out of my skin, but at the same time I do not know why. I feel something coming – yes, sure it has to be the excitement with the house, but it is something more. I told Clay the other night I felt like God was going to ask something of us and it would require a bit of sacrifice or just the mere fact of Him wanting to take us to another level with Him. And then today I read in my quiet time about the life of William Carey. He was a man that was called to India and went with a wife kicking and screaming. The first years were terrible – diseases took his young son and then that eventually drove his wife mad…. that alone took her life leaving him to raise 2 kids. Many, many, many times God will ask us something to do and when it does not work out or we have the slightest opposition, we cave. We may think we are being smart and discerning what is best for the family, but in actuality when the heat is turned up we cave. I have caved, i still cave at times!! Ugh!! Despite it all, Carey went on to do absolutely amazing things because he would not stop, be defeated, and let Satan ruin his day. The most important thing William Carey knew – when God confirmed something to him through scripture – he stuck with it. He stayed the course and lived it out!!! Oh I love that!

Oh Lord, help me. I know the Word says we are to leave everything and follow You. I know the Word says we are to turn our backs on all things and follow You! I will also say that I know that as a wife and mother it is not You calling me to turn my back on my family. I am still under that authority of my husband and You have tremendously blessed me with 4 small children. But i can not forget the day you told me to “Go to Africa and tell the women what it is like to be “Held” by the Father. I am still praying to be asked to go to Alaska. I would love to go overseas. Not to just do those things, but ti would be a stretch, it would be a sacrifice, it would be a privilege!!! I just don’t know the timing! I guess my responsibility is to hold fast to the confirmations God gave me and wait for Him to open the doors. I hope and pray I am willing to not just walk through, but run and fly with those wings of eagles!

The author this morning said “If you are bored, you may be slightly out of touch with God.” Oh how i am so in tune with that statement, but it also scares me just a bit! Boredom is what i have felt this summer… Not being able to just get up and go to the pool or get up and go to the mall or meet someone at Chick-fil-a or Chuckie Cheese (oh i hate that place)…………… but because everything is at least 1 hour away i have been quite bored. BUT GOD – He has been so good to me. In advance God prepared for me to go to Charlotte 3 times this summer to give me a “break”. From my perspective Tucker breaking his arm was a blessing in that I did not feel so guilty about not taking them swimming everyday as we always did in Charlotte. Kids were able to go to my parents in the middle of summer to break it up for them. Our house closing when it did has given me more things to do……………… See, But God – He is just so good!!! And now that my friend Ginger has decided to collaborate with me in ministry i feel like i have so much to work on and get to doing!!! And that LOVE that part!!! Oh Jesus, you are so so so so so so wonderful!

Galatians 6:9 “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

Oh Lord – that is the cry of my heart. I do not want to become weary – I want to go go go go where you want me to go. I want to do what you ask me to do and I want to be excited and energized in your calling! Lord, help me to understand what it is you have for me – this day – not be thinking about 2 years from now, but this day!! I want to see a harvest, but I know now it the time to do!!! Not sit and wait, but do!! Lord, get me off my toushy and let’s go!! Here are some things I am asking You about……….

1) Do i do another Beth Moore study in the fall and where and which one? At church, at home?

2) Do I start an aerobics class?

3) In setting up Speaking Thru Me – what actions do I take now?

4) Do i send Elleigh to preschool?

5) ????????????????????????????????????? What Lord?

I will not give up in doing good – I WILL wait for your confirmations – and will stick to the plan You confirm! I am excited to see the harvest – oh Lord, show me your glory!! I love you!

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395 – Bless You

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Up and at ‘em today. It is early, well not so much now, but when I started. Got a BUSY day ahead of me and had to make sure I started it with Him! Oh was it so good too!!

This morning i learned about the Lord Almighty blessing us. Oh Lord, can i just tell you thank you right now? Thank you! Wow! I learned about the word eulogeo which means “to have God speak a good word over us. to bless to speak well of.” Another definition, more complete, was “Of God toward men, to bless, to distinguish with favor… When the subject is God, His speaking is action, for God’s speech is energy released.” Are you with me or have you done a complete dance and are just coming back to the computer. I am with you – just dance girls!!

Lord, I can hardly believe what I have learned this morning. You speak behind our backs and it is blessing over us. On Wow – if i can only do the same thing for all those around me. Lord, I know there are many days when you have to search to find a good thing to speak over me, but thank you that only you can see my full potential and what the end will be. Oh Lord, I just want to praise you. I am so excited I can hardly stand it. You speak and it energizes – you speak life to the very marrow of my bones.

J. Vernon McGhee says that the providence of God can be described as “the way God leads a man that will not be led”. Now how cool is that. A quote from Beth Moore, “Part of God’s blessing over our lives involves the following: ‘to act in man’s life and accomplish His purposes instead of allowing men to have their own way.’” Now that is worth really cuttin’ a rug. He not only has the power to control my steps, but it just takes His spoken Word to do so and it involves a blessing to make that happen. I don’t mean to infer that we are getting something like some trinket in that blessing. The very blessing itself is the act of stopping us from doing something out of His will or even destructive in our lives. SO when God does not allow something in our lives it may not be that we have been disobedient it could be that He actually has spoken a blessing over our lives instead of allowing us to follow our own ways. Oh yes, I love that!!! Speak it Lord, protect me with You blessings!! I soooooooo need it!!

Lord, I thank you for so often speaking blessings over your women of God – your go to girls. Thank you for keeping us from our own destructive ways. Help us to take your lead and do more blessing of one another than tearing down. Let all those that come in contact with us leave with a blessing of SPOKEN word. May they never leave wondering if we want the best for them. Oh Lord, our families and husbands – Lord, help us to bless them. Lord, may we give and give and give until we are blue in the face – that is exactly what you have done for us and still speak in our lives!! Thank you! I need to write my hubby a love note today!

I want to bless you Father! Bless your Holy Name. Oh Lord, from before creation you were good – you have always been good. You spoke and that is all that has to happen. Thank you, Lord for your control of this world and the control you have over my life. Lord, you are awesome and I stand in awe of you! Lord, you are so highly esteemed and just absolutely gorgeous in your creation. Thank you for the beautiful creations in my house that are such a joy. May I appreciate them more and more. Oh Lord, Savior of all and over all – you are it! You are my Rock and fortress. You are my salvation and my Redeemer. You are my glorious one to brag about and to. Lord, you are it!! I am so in love with you, but Lord I want more! I want to know you more and I want to love you more. I want to be more of a blessing to You. Oh Lord, do your thing. Speak over me and bless me from those things that I need kept from. Oh Lord, I am ready to go to the outer edge with You – let’s go! Lord, I give you my life and i give you my heart. Let’s go Lord. Take me to a place with you that my desires cease. I know we have such a work to do on my heart – do it Lord. It will be miraculous and I can not wait to tell others about it. Bless you Lord, my encourager, my strength, my shield, and my all!!! I love you!

Kids are going to Big Time Tuesday today. I think they are going to Evansville again. Elleigh and I are not going to go since i have so much preparation to do with speaking tomorrow. I fly out to Charlotte tomorrow and speak that evening. I am really excited. This time Tisha is going to pick me up and we are going to either eat a Carraba’s or Zaxby’s. Neither one of those are over here so I can not wait. I am so excited to hug her neck. Then I leave Thursday morning at 6am. That is a true friend to take me to the airport at 4:30am!!! Oh I have so much to do. Thank you Lord. I want to hear you today!

PS – if you didn’t read the blogging challenge – please read the post below. thank you

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388 – We are Blessed

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Phil. 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.

Wow, Lord, the house is silent. What a blessing. This morning I have studied the blessing of Ephraim and Manasseh. It was one of those switcherooskies – he blessed the second born more than the first. It was not deceptive as it was in Jacob and Esau, but it still was not the norm or liked by others. It would cause some friction in days to come. Gen. 48

When I think of blessing or having some one’s blessing it is like having their approval. But really it is so much more than that. When we have some one’s approval it is like them saying I agree with what you are doing and wish you well not really knowing the outcome of anything future. But to me from what I understand, having some one’s blessing or having them bless you is a bit different or maybe just a bit deeper. It is like saying I not only approve of what you are doing, but I esteem it and see it as worthy to do extremely well. I see a future in it or in you and I want to bless you, pray for you, commit to you, or even do things to help it happen. That is different.

Lord, remember that lady at my old church whose blessing I craved. There was no way on Your green earth she was going to give it to me for one reason or another. Oh it hurt me so badly, but I just had to accept and move through and passed that pain and disappointment. She may have not been right in withholding her support and blessing, I don’t know. But I was wrong in working, doing, living to get her approval at best, but longing for her blessing. The more I did to try to gain this approval the worst it got. I found myself having ill feelings for her and wanting to quit all activities I had done or started in my church. I was done – BUT i was wrong. It was not my place to judge her for not approving me – she could have had very good reasons even though they were not communicated to me. But my responsibility and my struggle as a people pleaser is to please Him as hard as that may be. I at times get more concerned with so and so being proud of me or pleased with me than I am with the Father being pleased. One of my greatest struggles. If people think that I can just do His will (when it hurts others feelings or disappoints) with no struggle at all – they don’t really know me. I pray I will bend the knee to His will, but many times it just about kills me at least in thought struggling with others feelings, etc.

The scripture above gives me great relief and comfort. As a child of God – whether I follow Him closely or not – says that He has blessed me with every spiritual blessing in Christ. To me, for example, that means even though I appear to have no patience in the “waiting” I have blessed with it and He will see to it that I come through (or the “wait” may never cease)! It is more than just approval, it is something He will see to completion!

Lord, thank you! I don’t quite understand or know how to receive and use all the blessings that I am afforded because of Christ. Lord Jesus, will you help me to come to that knowledge and be responsible in doing my part? Lord, I want to be full in Christ and I want to be full of Christ. I don’t want a lack of knowledge to stifle or quench the Spirit within me. I want You to work to the nth degree and more. I want to experience Your power and blessings flowing through my life so that I can do nothing more than give it all back to you – praise You through those blessings. Lord Jesus! I am so in awe of you! I thank you for your awesomeness in my life, but I want to see more. I want to see You more fully manifested in my life – Your righteousness, love, compassion, heart, joy, etc. I love you!

Not too much planned today. Kids and I went to the movies yesterday. It is so awesome to get closer and closer to days of being able to do everything with all 4 of them. Going to work out, but then pretty free today! Thank you, Lord!

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387 – In His Hands

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Lord Jesus – thank you for the safe traveling yesterday. We had a good time seeing family and visiting with everyone. It has been a tradition for years in getting together with the Gray’s on the 4th. We had a good time. Thank you.

As I lied face down before You this morning I asked you to bring me more opportunities for ministry. I have never sensed a “NO”, but what I do sense is “more to come”. I believe the Holy Spirit is stirring in my heart something that is going to be brewing for a while. I believe the Lord has something a tad bigger in the works, but in my mind, much time must pass. This Fall 3 of the 4 little toe heads of mine will go to real school. Yes, I am excited, but sad at the same time. I have Elleigh at home with me for 2 more years. I know that is my priority and joy. I feel like there is more ministry for me to come, but my household must be set and in order. I believe that includes Elleigh in school.

So why do I say all this – I am ready to GO! I am ready to do some bigger things and am ready to receive more spiritual insight from Him. I am ready to work on what I love and I am ready to see much fruit and of course bear much fruit. I am ready to respond to His call and I am ready to say yes. But as for today and I think 2 more years – there has been a yield sign placed in front of me that I must obey. Or it may not be even something that I am to obey like a sign that says slow down, but God has placed it in front of the angel that delivers the blessings to everyone. I am kind of thinking cartoonish, but just go with me. He has said to His angels – I have many things for this girl to receive, but for now let’s hold off for a bit. She has much learning and maturing to do before I can give her into the Promised Land. Wet her feet, allowed her to taste, make sure she knows more is to come, but WAIT. Hold off until I AM ready!

This morning in my Believing God study by Beth Moore, God answered all my requests about ministry in this one day, “By Faith Abraham”. We were in the Hall of Faith chapter in Hebrews, 11. More than anything I see that when God said, “Go”, there was no hesitation. He went! He didn’t even know where God may be going, but he always left the comfortable. He left the land of family and friends and usual stuff for an alien land except he was the alien. Beth Moore called it the Later Syndrome – Go and I will show you and tell you later. It is the deal where you know God is telling you something, but you don’t know why or even how. But with all the faith you can muster up you go or you do or you try…………………….. Later Syndrome says I will explain later. God has that right to explain later or show us later. We never have that right to put off or explain our actions later. He says jump – we say yes sir and do it.!! Faith – present and active, not later!

“Time is often where He tempers and tests us so that premature births of ministries don’t result in lifelong handicaps. God created time and never wastes it. We alone waste when our impatience to receive our earthly inheritance hinders our preparation to know what to with it”, Beth Moore. Lord, help me not to waste any time. Help me not to seek understanding as much as just to say yes and go! Thank you for confirming over and over my call into speaking! That is something I am no longer doubting. Thank you! Gal. 4:1-2 – as a child you release me to do more of Your work when it is time. I am excited, you know my hand is waved and I am screaming “pick me, pick me”, but You know best. I will be honored to speak at MOPS groups, I will be honored to lead weekend retreats or speak at dinners, etc. I will be honored to be consistent in my quiet time, and I will be honored and privileged to take care of my babies!! Father – when you see fit to place me in the passenger side of the ministry car, I am ready, but until then thank you! Thank you that I can wait and learn. I can mature and grow. I can watch and see. I can just be still and know -!!!!!!!!!!! Father – you are a blast and I love you!! You need not do another thing for me!!!!!!!! You are more than enough! I love you!

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371 – Miracles and Healing – God in a Box!

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Oh Lord, today in my Believing God study Beth Moore discusses reasons that GOD possibly heals and does not heal others. I am not of the belief that all sickness is from Satan and that God wants all His children to be healed and whole on this side of Heaven. Healing will come, but it might come in a new body when you see Him face to face. TO say that sickness comes from Satan and that God does not want anyone to be sick in a way puts God in a box. People are placing God’s duties to just healing – although wonderful – but He is just to heal and that is His only option when I fall ill. I can not go with that. I am not in any way saying He does not still heal – of course He does – I was told 2 times that I had Chrone’s disease in high school. I remember Ergun Caner (www.erguncaner.com) my youth minister committing to pray for me and others in my church and on my third trip to the doctor for another colonoscopy after hospitalization, etc. they could find nothing. I was sick!!!! They saw those tell-tell cells on the first scope, but on the next ones – GONE. Don’t even tell me it was a mistake!!!

Beth gives some awesome examples of people getting terribly sick and healed in today’s lesson. Incredible and awesome. Wow Lord – You really showed off in those individuals lives. Wow!! One of the common denominators that Beth talks about is of course the sick believing they were going to get better and having prayer warriors that believed as well. I remember one time the Lord leading me to truly commit to pray for this one lady to get pregnant. Her husband and I worked together and it was a very strained relationship. We did not get along to well – in a church, how immature of me! Anyway, they had extreme infertility and had even loss a few babies. Finally they got pregnant and God told me clearly I was suppose to tell her I was going to pray for her every Tuesday. My Tucker was born on a Tuesday, April 1. So because you can remember everything with the first child Tuesdays were special and easy to remember to pray. Her child was not born on Tuesday, but guess what day – April 1st!!!!!!!! How cool was that!

Now i remember thinking that this lady may not want my prayers. Her husband and I had exchanged many words and she had possibly rather I did not lift their name in prayer. I was not sure. I was scared if i told them i was praying for them on Tuesdays and they lost this baby too they might blame God or even me. I was scared, but I knew God had told me to pray and believe much like my youth minister had prayed and believed for me. It was such a pleasure and privilege praying for them. No it did not bring us all together in friendship, it did not make all hard feelings go away, but it did strengthen each one of our prayer lives!! Thank you Lord.

Just as we are called to do a mission in life, I really do believe that we are called to pray for specific people and their situations. After I saw God work in that way I was quick to pray for other friends that were struggling getting pregnant. Traci, Jennifer, and Amie are others i have seen answered prayers. Did my prayers have something special to them – No way – I just felt led to pray for those ladies specifically and believed!!! Many times we can take on the world’s prayer requests and then our prayers get very shallow. When I am asked to pray about something especially those things that are not real close to my heart, I do pray for them, but then I ask God to remind me of that request if it is something I am called to pray about with earnestness and ferventness. I have found much more freedom and success in giving it over to God and asking Him to specifically call me to pray for certain things. Sometimes it is for strangers, friends, family, and even foes…

Lord, You are far bigger than i can even fathom. Lord, show me Your works. Show me some miracles. Show me what You are all about. Use me, Lord. Call me out! I want to go! I love you!

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