I can never tell if you are mad at me!!!
by leighgray | November 16, 2011 12:52 pm
If you have ever heard me speak or at least seen my videos you will know right off that I am pretty energetic, quite dramatic, and by no means monotoned. My mom is very much the same way. I love to laugh and do so very often – same as my mom. I would say that I often act a ‘few’ years younger than I should. I love to have a good time! Silly pictures and videos on facebook will prove this point. In the private of my home my daughters are very much the same way.
My husband on the other hand is quite professional. I don’t think you would ever say that my husband is silly. Oh yes, he has his hilarious moments – in fact, he is extremely funny, witty, and humorously creative. But just to see him out and about you will be impressed with his mature demeanor and charismatic gentleness. Clay is just like his father! You will not see any silly pictures of Clay on facebook and I doubt he will ever be videoed making a complete fool of himself the way I often do!
Make no mistake there is no doubt in any of the kids’ minds they know who loves them. And most people I would say know where they stand with Clay and I. I may come across a bit more reserved, but once I get to know you there is nothing I hide or wont do – fun things, ha ha! I have moved so often in my life I just take a little bit to warm up. I dont want to force a friendship on anyone that really had rather not have another friend! But once I see that we have gelled – you cant get rid of me or my silliness. My husband having lived most of his life in this area is very comfortable with small talk (one of my greatest fears) and pretty much already knows where he is accepted and not.
I say all that to tell you about a day the students recently had at my son’s middle school. It was called Talk Like Tucker Day. My son is quite a mystery. He has hardly any inflection in his voice when he talks. He does not talk very often – at all. When he does, listen up because he may only say it once. Tucker is very shy and one with great potential. It is quite interesting that he is so liked because one might often wonder where they stand with Tucker. Because his voice is a bit monotone, well except for a crack here and there, it is so difficult to know when he is joking, when he is excited, or even when he is mad. Tucker would never be convicted of being fake. It is what it is, but one just might not know what it is – ha ha! As his momma I do get frustrated at times. Being such an animated person, I long for him to be sarcastic or jovial on purpose. I even dream of him driving away in his car to go to college and yelling out the window, “I love you mom!!” We have a few years to go!
But all this talk of personality, voice inflection, silly acting, etc. brought me back to prayer. If your prayer time were taped and you could go back and hear the way you sounded with the Lord – does it convey a love, desperation, confidence, excitement, trust…in your words and possibly voice? Would the Lord be able to know just by the words chosen this heart is for Him? Do we come to the Lord as a last resort? Do we come to the Lord out of obligation? Do we come to the Lord because it is routine? Do we come to the Lord in ritual?
Of course He knows our heart – praise You Lord for that – so He knows the true intentions and the very meaning of our words whether they have inflection or not. But on the other hand, He is very well aware if we are just playing a game and being fake.
Oh Lord – have Your way. Jesus, encourage me above all else to be real with You and to make sure there is no meaningless words brought to Your presence. Lord, I want you to know by my words AND actions that I do trust in You. I love you Father and I want to show you this. I praise you Lord and I pray that can be seen in my actions and even in my voice! Oh Father – may there be no holding back with you! Oh Lord – help me to understand Whom I am addressing – to whom I am going boldly before the throne of Grace! Oh Father – give me a Holy fear and reverence for You like I have never had before. Jesus – You deserve it all. No questions left unturned. No thoughts not addressed! Thank you Jesus for your mercy. Thank you for the grace! Thank you for being love, all consuming love that I know so well, but long to know in greater detail! Jesus – you are it and you are all! I love you!!! (screaming loud with one hand raised typing slowly – ha)
Source URL: http://leighgray.com/2011/11/i-can-never-tell-if-you-are-mad-at-me/